So, on September 6, I finally decided to get off my @ss and start working out. I want to thank my friend for coming with me and giving me the extra motivation. I think half of my stupid struggle to go was just not knowing where things were located in the gym, and what it would be like, overall. My mind gets in my way all too often, and jumping over that hurdle was a great example of that.
I started at 181 pounds. Yeah, crazy! I was only 178lbs when I was 10months pregnant with my son, and my ideal/healthy weight is 145-150! Definitely time to do something about it. I put more weight on in the last 4 years than I did while I was pregnant with him! To be honest, the sad part is that I was much heavier about 2-3 years ago, so although it was tremendously hard to admit how large I'd gotten, 181 wasn't where I topped out in previous years. Just months ago, I was in the 172 range and those summer pounds just tacked themselves on. DAMMIT, MAN!
I had thrown the idea around in my head for years. Ya know, what I would do if I weren't so damn lazy in regards to exercise. I gave myself all kinds of excuses, the biggest one being that I just didn't have enough time. Screw that...I knew better. Years ago when I focused on fitness, I made the time and it was the best thing I ever did for myself and my son. Somehow I let that go with overwhelming excuses and guilty feelings. As a single mom, I NEEDED any shred of time to myself possible, and I knew getting healthy again would only benefit me more.
I told myself that I just needed to do it. Unfortunately, all the Doritos, Diet Pepsi's, and Keystone Lights led me to think I was too far behind to catch up now. I was honestly worried about my physical condition and whether or not I would be suffering a heart attack in my late 20's. No joke. I hated how my clothes were fitting. In fact, I threw little fits every morning about how I looked in them, which clearly did me no favors in the self-esteem department. I have a huge closet full of clothes and I didn't want to wear any of them. I knew that I could just start working out and eating better, but the fear of change and self-doubt just debilitated me even further. I knew exactly what I needed to do, but I just felt stuck in the mud. I thought I had to accept this version of me, and I had to just be ok with my shape and size. I accepted I was fat, and I wasn't going to really do much to change that. One problem: I hated that defeated feeling. I hated acknowledging I was doing nothing, yet bitching anyway. I hated knowing what I used to have (a 145lb toned bod). I especially hated not being able to chase my kid, or that I didn't have the energy to play with him like I'd wanted. As a single mom, I really wanted to step up and be there for my son for his whole life, and my current health likely wouldn't have gotten me there.
So, I changed my ways. I went to the gym that Friday morning (9-6-13) and I've gone back every single day of the week (Monday-Friday) for at least an hour. Now, I'm in my third week of exercising, and I can already tell a huge difference. Not only do I miss (and LOVE) the sore muscle feeling, I actually kind of like the protein shakes, too. Although I haven't lost any weight yet (actually gained a pound), I know that within a few weeks, I will see more noticeable differences. I can hear my brother telling me "stay off the scale for the first 6 weeks. Muscle weighs more than fat!" :) He has a point. I'm sticking with the story that I've just gained muscle. It definitely feels that way. I already feel stronger, and more confident. I am proud of my step, as I was 99.9% sure I'd never get myself back into the gym. I'm proud of seeing some muscle definition after only 3 weeks. I'm proud of my healthier eating habits and my massive water consumption lately. I'm proud that I've tremendously cut back on soda and beer, and especially chips. I'm proud that I can actually see and feel my ribcage again. Also, my butt is lifted higher. WHO doesn't want that?!
Only time will tell... I WILL get my body back. Oh yes, I WILL get my body back.
On another note, here are some other little personal victories:
- I quit chewing my fingernails in February.
- I started using better skin products (cleanser, toner, and moisturizer) for my face.
- I started volunteering at the Humane Society every week.
Things are looking up, people. Hopefully soon, I'll have my hourglass (minus the few extra minutes). I hope I can be better at blogging through this process, too, as I know it will be so awesome to look back on later.
Goal: Better, healthier me. Preferably to lose 30lbs by next Summer (8 months to go). But more importantly, STRENGTH, SANITY, PRIDE, and CONFIDENCE.
